The Saga of the Long Hyphenated Name Support Group
by Princess of Ithilien
Summary: NEW CHAP 18 A tale of mystery, intrigue, randomness, scariness, randomness, excitement, randomness, suspense, randomness, and shameless author insertion. And randomness. R&R! I guarantee you'll laugh! Or at least smile.
1. And This Is How It Was

_A/N: So, the random insanity has returned... not that it ever went away in the first place..._

_As for where this idea came from... I honestly have no idea! But I've been working on this little measly chapter for a while... actually,I was working on the IDEA of the story for a while, then decided I should just write it and not plan it out. It's so much more fun this way! Anyway... here it comes... who knows how long I've worked on this... probably not that long, I must admit. None of my random stories take up a lot of time, though they SEEM like they are... anyway..._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or any characters therein. I do own the idea and the insanity, I suppose. My profound apologies for butchering these characters..._

**The Saga of the Long Hyphenated Name Support Group**

**Chapter 1**

**And This Is How It Was**

"We are all gathered here, in... this room... yeah... uh... because we are the cursed ones with long hyphenated names..." A voice spoke into the room, which was rather spacious and not at all crowded.

"Wait a minute!" Someone cried. This someone was actually Obi-Wan Kenobi. "Mace? Mace Windu? What are you doing here? You don't have a hyphenated name!"

"Well, tell that to the Author. She just stuck me in here randomly, so there!" Mace Windu stuck out his tongue from his place behind the podium.

"But this is a support group for people with long, hyphenated names!" Ki-Adi-Mundi cried. "So get out!"

"Also here, I am." A raspy voice called from the back of the group.

"YODA?" Qui-Gon Jinn cried. "What are YOU doing here?" Several people turned to see the little green midget at the back of the room. He hobbled farther into the room, his little cane stick thing making that annoying _tap tap tap _sound with every step he took.

"Not know, I do. Randomly here, I am." _Tap tap tap._

"Well, go away! You too, Mace! This is not the right place for you!"

"You can't make me leave! Haha!" Mace continued to laugh, hands on his hips(for no apparent reason) until a some small random Padawan pushed him out of a convenient window.

"We are here to cope with our long, hyphenated names that some idiot gave us! So leave! You especially, Yoda. Your name is FOUR LETTERS LONG. Yeah, that's SO hard to deal with!" Qui-Gon went on. Obi-Wan patted him on the shoulder and told him to sit down.

Yoda continued to tap his stick on the floor, trying to bring attention to his little green self. Eventually the room went quiet, and its occupants, eyes twitching, turned to look at him.

"Attention, I now have," he said, giggling insanely.

"Leaving, I am. To Panera, I am going!" He _tap tap tap_ped his way out of the room, trying to run. But with legs that short, you can't really run, so it was more of a slow trot.

"Panera? I want to go to Panera! I'm hungry! Qui-Gon, I'm hungry!" Obi-Wan's voice became a whine.

"Then _go._" Qui-Gon said with a sigh, getting up from his chair.

Obi-Wan ran out after Yoda, and the rest of the group thundered out, Qui-Gon included.

They left one sole occupant in the room.

"Yousa all leavin'?"

_Sooo... this is my insanity. I do so love my insanity..._

**Chapter 1 Stars...**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Mace Windu as Mace Windu**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**And, last and certainly least, Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks, because no one else could be so annoying.**


	2. Boris Is My Friend!

_And it goes on and on..._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Weird Al Yankovic or Panera, obviously. _

**Chapter 2**

**Boris Is My Friend!**

Adi Gallia, who had been unfortunate enough to be stuck at the end of the group going to Panera after being magically zapped there, was the only one to hear the dreaded voice of Jar Jar Binks. First she thought she had heard wrong, but when she backtracked and peeked into the recentled vacated room, every fear was confirmed.

There stood the dreaded alien, looking around, confused. Just as she was going to leave for good, he turned and saw her. "Yousa stayin'?" She winced at his annoying voice and hopeful tone, then backed up, acting as though she hadn't heard him. Once she was out in the hallway, she started running, but she heard his feet slapping the floor behind her...

_Meanwhile, at Panera..._

"I want a bagel! No, no... wait! I want a muffin! Yes, a muffin. Wait, is that an apple tart? I want that!"

"That's not an apple tart, you bozo."

"Coffee, what kind of, do they have?" Yoda's raspy question went completely unnoticed.

"I want a bagel! And some coffee! And one of those things over there!"

"Hey, is that soup?"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Qui-Gon, who was the one ordering. The group quieted.

"One at a time. Yoda, what do you want?"

"Coffee, I will have. Two sugars, black."

"Sugar is WHITE, Yoda." Obi-Wan said with a smirk.

"He meant to say black, two sugars." Qui-Gon said, glaring at his Padawan.

"Why does he have to talk backwards, anyway? It so annoy-OUCH!" Obi-Wan looked down to the spot where Yoda had whacked him with his stick. "Ouch! What did you do that for?"

"Respectful, you should be!" Yoda said, running at him again. Obi-Wan turned and ran from him.

"Okay, coffee for Yoda, a bagel for Obi-Wan, Ki-Adi-Mundi wanted one of those cinnamon things over there, right?" The Jedi nodded. "So... what do you want?"

Qui-Gon turned to look at Small Random Padawan who has some Long Hyphenated Name. "Uhhh..." Small Random Padawan stuck his thumb in his mouth and pointed to the menu. "Onna those."

"Okay... and whatever Small Random Padawan was pointing at."

"Haha! Qui-Gon Jinn, we meet! For the last time!"

Qui-Gon whipped around, but saw no one. "Who said that?"

"I did!"

Qui-Gon still saw no one.

"Down here."

He looked down. There, on the floor next to his boot, was a fish.

"What?"

Yoda had finished beating Obi-Wan and had returned. Seeing the little green fish, he grinned and giggled happily.

"Boris!"

"Yoda!"

"Who is Boris?" Qui-Gon questioned, watching as Yoda let the fish hop into his hand.

"My friend, Boris is! Hehe..."

"You tried to kill me once, Qui-Gon. Now, I shall return the favor!"

_Oh, a cliffhanger. Right... now... moving on..._

**Boris Is My Friend! Stars**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Boris the Fish as Boris the Fish**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**


	3. Of Little Sticks, Little Bagels, and

_And on it goes... just saw the word 'cheesecake' so who knows what I'll do with that..._

_Disclaimer: I do not own cheesecake. There is NONE in my house. Er... I mean, I don't own the invention of cheesecake. Does anybody know who actually first created cheesecake? And why is it called cheesecake anyway? The mysteries of life..._

**Chapter 3**

**Of Little Sticks, Little Bagels, and Really Big Egos**

"Yoda! Stop waving that thing around!" Qui-Gon shouted at the little green man, who was trying to balance his little stick on the end of his nose. He was stumbling around, trying to keep it erect, and bumping into tables and chairs in the process.

"Ugh!" Cried a lady as Yoda rammed into their table. "My dress! Oh, my beautiful dress! I'm suing!" She motioned down at her white dress, which sported a dark splotch on the stomach area.

Yoda giggled. "Sue me, you can not! Immortal, I am!"

"What the..."

Yoda and the Random Lady started to get into a fight, screaming at each other. She raised her leg to kick him; he bit her ankle.

Qui-Gon shook his head and went to pick up the order. Obi-Wan was sitting at the table with an ice pack against his head when Qui-Gon returned.

"Master..." he whined, looking at his bagel. "This bagel is really, really small!"

Qui-Gon turned to his Padawan, irritated. "No, it's not, Obi-Wan. It's perfectly normal in size. Ki-Adi-Mundi... MAN that's hard to say... here's your muffin."

Ki-Adi-Somethingorother wasn't paying attention. He was looking at his reflection in a small pocket mirror, brushing his beard. Then he looked over at Another Random Lady and grinned.

"Hey there, good lookin'. What are you doing tonight?"

She jumped out of her seat, threw her drink in his face, and ran out of the place.

Ki-Adi-Somelongname shrugged. "I've been through worse."

Qui-Gon was staring at the fellow Jedi nervously. "Uh... Ki-Adi? She just threw coffee in your face."

Ki-Adi-Mundi suddenly jumped out of his seat. "Ouch! Ouch! Hot coffee! Hot! Hot! Hot coffee!"

"Slightly delayed reaction..." Obi-Wan muttered, wondering if that weird guy with the huge head was always like that.

"Just eat your bagel."

"But I'm TELLING you, it's SMALL!"

Suddenly, Random Lady and Yoda came into view, wrestling on the floor. She was pulling on his ears, and he was grabbing fistfuls of her hair while trying to singe them off with his lightsaber.

Also suddenly, Adi Gallia rushed into Panera. She hurried over to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's table, gasping for breath.

"Adi, what's wrong?" Qui-Gon asked. Obi-Wan slapped her on the back a few times.

"I'm not... choking... you... moron!" She gasped. "He was chasing me... all over... I think I finally lost him."

She craned her head to try and peek out of the door.

"Who? Who was chasing you?"

Solemnly, she turned to them and uttered three horrific, dreaded words.

"Jar Jar Binks."

_So it continues... Anyway... I hope this story is going okay. I sincerely hope no one thinks I am copying their idea... not that anybody else would have this idea other than myself. _

**Of Little Sticks, Little Bagels, and Really Big Egos Stars**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**Marie Callenger as Random Lady**

**Cher as Another Random Lady**


	4. Mashed Potatoes Can Be Your Friend

_I am updating this story way too much for my own good, aren't I?_

_Disclaimer: Insert appropriate disclaimer here._

**Chapter 4**

**Mashed Potatoes Can Be Your Friend**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cried Obi-Wan in anguish. "I thought he was dead!"

"So did I!" Adi Gallia said, glancing nervously over her shoulder.

"Hey, babe." Ki-Adi-Mundi said to Yet Another Random Lady. She batted her eyelashes, rose out of her seat, and pulled a few quick karate moves on him.

"Anyway... What are we going to do? He's following me! I don't even know if I really lost him!"

"What we are NOT going to do, is panic."

"Haha! Qui-Gon, you tried to evade me! But you shall never succeed!" Boris the Fish jumped up onto the table, waving around a toothpick as a makeshift sword.

"Leave me alone, fishie, okay?"

"Fishie? FISHIE? You deserve to die for simply uttering that word! How DARE you! Have at ye!" With this, Boris the Fish jumped onto Qui-Gon's shoulder and started stabbing him with the toothpick.

"Get OFF of me!" Qui-Gon yelled, running around.

"Ack! Your hair is blocking my mouth and I can't breath!"

"Fish don't breath through their mouths!"

"Yeah well... whatever! Cut your hair, girly man!" He continued to stab Qui-Gon with the toothpick.

Yoda hobbled over to Obi-Wan and Adi Gallia. "Fear, do not. Solve this dilemma, we shall."

Suddenly(things suddenly happen a lot in this story) someone walked into Panera. The group squinted at the figure but could not tell who he was, as the sun was shining directly behind him.

He was tall. He was dark... because everyone looks dark in shadow. And he had some crazy hair.

"Hey, people!" He walked farther in, and that's when they saw him.

Weird Al Yankovic, himself.

Yoda glared. Adi Gallia gasped. Obi-Wan stuffed Ki-Adi-Mundi's muffin into his mouth. Ki-Adi-Mundi groaned in pain. Boris the Fish stared. Qui-Gon thought about murdering aforementioned Boris the Fish. Small Random Padawan toddled into the bathroom to go tinkle.

He walked into the room and sort of kinda grinned at everybody.

"Hey, people." He said again.

Yoda hobbled up to him. "Wrote a song, you did. About me, it was. Angry, I am." Yoda struck Weird Al in both knees with his stick, but the guy didn't even flinch.

"Hey, man. I'm doing a cameo. You can't just hit the cameo guy."

Yoda lifted his small little nose into the air as far as possible and waddled off.

"Little runt needs a friend. Mashed potatoes can be your friend, let me tell you. Later, all." With that, he walked back out.

"What was THAT about?" Boris the Fish asked, taking a break from stabbing Qui-Gon's shoulder.

"The Author needed a plot device, so she used him." Ki-Adi-Mundi piped up from the floor.

"Ah."

Adi Gallia stared after Weird Al. "That was... weird. Anyway, we still haven't solved the problem. What if Jar Jar-"

She was cut off as somebody came in, the bell on the door ringing merrily.

"Yousa talking 'bout me?"

_It will never end! The insanity goes on forever! May it never die!_

**Mashed Potatoes Can Be Your Friend Stars**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**Boris the Fish as Boris the Fish**

**Julia Some Random Last Name as Yet Another Random Lady**

**And, bringing you your cameo fix...**

**Weird Al Yankovic as Weird Al Yankovic**

**Oh, and horribly...**

**Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks**


	5. The NotSoTriumphant Return

_Sooo... I'm updating again. Goodness, at this rate, I'll finish the story in a week. Actually, that's impossible. It won't happen... I don't think. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Panera, their food(which is good) or their chips(which are too crunchy... hence the name 'Krunchers' as I believe they're called.)_

**Chapter 5**

**The Not-So-Triumphant Return**

"Mesa find you!" Jar Jar Binks jumped up and down and clapped his hands excitedly. One of his huge ears slapped Qui-Gon in the face, and also knocked Boris the Fish to the floor.

Adi Gallia gritted her teeth and inched behind Qui-Gon for protection as the Gungan made his way further into the room.

She poked Qui-Gon in the back. "Do something..."

He took a step forward. "You see, Jar Jar, we were just about to have a really important meeting... and we can't be... interrupted or distracted, so... look! Something shiny!"

Jar Jar whirled around. "Somethin' shiny, yousa say? Where?" He was, obviously, really really excited.

"There!" Qui-Gon pointed far, far away, where, in fact, there was nothing shiny at all. "Go find it!"

"Oh, boy! Mesa find somethin' shiny!" With that, he ran out of the room, his ears trailing behind him.

Qui-Gon sighed. "Okay, that's done... now we can actually get on with the meeting."

He turned to find Obi-Wan, only to find him (still) eating Ki-Adi-Mundi's muffin.

"Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan..." he said, gently leading him to a different table.

"I think that the reason you stuffed Ki-Adi-Blahblahblahblahblahs' muffin into your mouth is because of your anger over your hyphenated name." Qui-Gon began solemnly.

"Pit Musher," Obi-Wan tried, but his mouth was full of muffin.

"No, no." Qui-Gon raised a hand. "See, it is very easy to become angry over-"

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, DOCTOR PHIL?" Someone shouted at Qui-Gon.

He looked around, puzzled as to who had said, or, rather, shouted that. Suddenly! Through the... door! Walked Dr. Phil.

Qui-Gon was really confused by now.

Dr. Phil came over to sit by Obi-Wan. "You are unhappy, and this is why you shoved Ki-Something-Adu or whatever's muffin into your mouth. This," He said, holding up a very shiny gold key. "is the Key of Happiness."

"And why is that capitalized?" Obi-Wan said, his mouth empty of any trace of muffin, magically.

"Because the Author typed it that way."

"WHO IS THIS AUTHOR YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT?" Boris the Fish cried from the Random Fishbowl, where he was using Obi-Wan's mini bagel as a floating device. Everyone ignored him.

"What does it lead to?"

"Happiness! Find the lock that fits this key... er... I mean..." Dr. Phil rubbed his sorta-bald head. "Darn it! Let me see the script!"

He produced a script from an Unknown Pocket and skimmed the lines until he found what he was supposed to say.

"Aha!" Clearing his throat, he continued. "Find whatever it is that this unlocks, and you will be happy! Now, I must run! I'm late for an appointment with the Olsen twins. Therapy, you know. Poor things. Mind if I take this with?" He held up Qui-Gon's cherry danish, and without waiting for a reply, dashed out.

"This is OUR SUPPORT GROUP!" Qui-Gon yelled, long after Dr. Phil had left the building.

"Just a delayed reaction. Anyway... Obi-Wan, that is not the key of happiness, it's-"

"KEY of HAPPINESS. Capitalize."

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow, wondering, but went on. "Fine, Key of Happiness. Well, that's not what it is. Happiness is within us, not in material things."

"LIAR! You just don't want me to be happy! You want me to be miserable and get old and gray like you!"

"I do NOT have gray hair!"

"Oh yeah!" Obi-Wan pulled out a plastic baggy with gray hairs in it. "Then what is this? These are all gray hairs from your hairbrush!"

"They are not!" Qui-Gon shrieked.

"Yes they ARE! If you are ashamed of your hair, just get it dyed or something!"

"I do not have gray hair! It was the Author! THE AUTHOR DID IT!"

"WHO IS THIS AUTHOR PERSON!" Boris the Fish shouted from his bowl.

"The Author is the person writing this story, controlling our actions and words, and making all those random people come in here." Ki-Adi-Mundi called from the floor. Boris nodded.

"So that's why I can get out of water and not die? And that's why I can't swim and have to float around in a bagel?"

"Yup."

"Well, that sucks."

"Um... excuse me?" The group turned to see a rather stocky man staring at them. "We're closing."

Qui-Gon looked at his wrist, but there was not a watch there. "It's only eleven!" He said randomly.

"No, it's 4 PM, and we're just... closing early today, that's all." Rather Stocky Man said.

"Okay... can I get a muffin to go?" Ki-Aduuuuuuuu said from the floor.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." With that, Rather Stocky Man disappeared.

One by one, the members and non-members of the Long Hyphenated Name Support Group filed outside onto the sidewalk. Yoda tapped his stick in a very annoying fashion.

"Aha! There you are! I'll get you!"

_The insanity continues! Hahahahahahaha! Okay... having way too much fun with this story, I must admit. Who is coming after who? Wait for the next chapter to find out!_

**The Not-So-Triumphant Return Stars**

**With your cameo by...**

**Dr. Phil (as himself)**

**Rather Stocky Man as Rather Stocky Man**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Boris the Fish as Boris the Fish**

**Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks**


	6. CUT! ACTION! IMPROV!

_Thanks to my reviewers... will be replying in the next chapter, probably. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Wicked Witch of the West, or any lines associated with the Wizard of Oz._

**Chapter 6**

**CUT! ACTION! IMPROV!  
**

The group turned almost as one to see Mace Windu standing on the sidewalk, looking very... wrinkled. Yes, wrinkled. Meaning, his clothes were wrinkled, his non-existant hair was wrinkled(if hair can indeed be wrinkled) and his face was wrinkled into a frown.

He was frowning(and staring) at Small Random Padawan, who ducked behind Obi-Wan and wrapped his short little arms around his leg.

"Get off of me, squirt." Obi-Wan said absently, staring at his Key of Happiness. It made him, not surprisingly, feel happy.

"I shall get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!" Mace said in a scary, high-pitched voice.

"HEY!" Shouted a female-sounding voice. Down from the air, sitting atop her broomstick, came the Wicked Witch of the West.

"That's my line, Baldy!"

"Who're you calling bald?" Mace said, covering his extremely bald head with his hands.

"You! Duh!"

"Oh yeah? Well...you're bald too!"

And with that he took the Witch's hat in his hand and pulled it off, revealing a white, bald skull.

The Witch's hair had been attatched to her hat all along! And the top of her head was white to boot!

"Wow..." Mace said, wide-eyed. He hadn't actually expected the Witch to be bald, he had just said that to make himself feel better. But being right about it made him feel powerful.

"Noooooooooo! I'm melting! Melting!" The Witch shrieked. The group of Jedi covered their ears.

"CUT!" Shouted someone with a not-so-deep-but-very-loud voice.

"That was horrible! Horrible!" Shouted Princess of Ithilien, storming onto the set.

"That's the worst load of cr- whoops. Gotta keep it rated for the kiddies." She flashed a grin towards the camera, then continued. "That was just awful! Do it better! And WHY didn't you dye the top of your head green? I specifically said, Wicked Witch, when we do this scene, you need to shave your head and dye it green. But NOOOOO. Let's try and fool the Author/Director! I would fire you, but we're short of Wicked Witch understudies today, so you stay."

All the while the Author/Director was shouting, the group of Jedi was staring, mouths open to their chests.

"Hey..." said Small Random Padawan, walking up to Princess of Ithilien and tugging on her jacket. "You're da Author! Can I have your autgraf?"

"Sure, kid. Whatever." She scribbled her signature on the back of his hand with a Sharpie. "Don't wash that, now."

"Mesa too! Mesa too!" Ears flapping, Jar Jar Binks ran up to Princess of Ithilien, whose eye began twitching immediately.

"Somebody get this foul creature AWAY FROM ME!" She shouted, grabbing her megaphone. "And call the police to get me a restraining order. NOW!"

She then cleared her throat and turned back to the actor/character/Jedi/people.

"Now. I want this scene done BETTER, and I want it better the LAST TIME. Er.. I mean... GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME, OR YOU'RE ALL FIRED!"

Princess of Ithilien walked back to settle herself in her director's chair. "So," she said through her megaphone. "Do it like... like reality tv! Yeah!" She smiled as if that was the best idea ever. "ACTION!"

The group began to fumble about nervously, having no idea at all as to what 'reality tv' was. Mace walked slowly onto the set.

"I'm sorry, but some of you will be in, and one of you... will be in my clutches." He said in a deep voice.

"HEY!" Shouted a female-sounding voice. Down from the air, sitting atop her broomstick, came the Wicked Witch of the West.

"That's my line... Wait, can we cut? This is just NOT working for me." The Wicked Witch of the West complained.

Princess of Ithilien stormed onto the set. "DOESN'T MATTER. That was ANOTHER load of crap anyway!"

"Ahem..." Qui-Gon Jinn cleared his throat, daring to approach the Author/Director. "What happened to keeping it rated for the kiddies?"

"Never mind the kiddies! It's K+ anyway." Princess of Ithilien shrugged. "And crap isn't a cuss word... WAIT A MINUTE! WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT THIS WITH YOU?"

She breathed and tried to smile. "Er, sorry. A bit stressed out. We have to finish this scene, NOW. So get it RIGHT! Just do it like... like you're making it up as you go along. Okay?"

"Umm... we were doing that before." Obi-Wan said.

"Oh, really?" Princess of Ithilien turned and glared at him, then looked over her shoulder.

"Well, then, we'll just use whatever we had before and continue. Just improv! IMPROV IT ALL!"

She went back to her director's chair, and soon she and the camera were no longer visible to the Jedi or the Witch, or the little dog that had just happened to come along the sidewalk.

"Where were we? Oh, yes. Noooooooooo! I'm melting! Melting!" The Witch cried, then melted. Soon, the pile of melted goo stuff disappeared.

"Now that SHE'S out of the way..." Mace flipped the Witch's wig/hat combo onto his head. "I have hair! Oh yeah!"

He did a little dance and admired his new 'do in Ki-Adi-Mundi's pocket mirror.

The group, with Mace a pace(Haha! A rhyme!) behind them admiring his new hair, moved along the sidewalk, trying to figure out where to go.

Far behind them on the sidewalk, looking forlorn, was one sole Gungan, his head hanging to his chest so that his extremely large ears covered his eyes.

Then, skipping down the lane, came...

_Who is skipping down the lane? Why is Jar Jar so annoying? Why did the Author insert herself? Why is the Author talking in third person? The answers lie in the next chapter... read it if you dare..._

**CUT! ACTION! IMPROV! Stars**

**Mace Windu as Mace Windu**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi's Mirror as Ki-Adi-Mundi's Mirror**

**With Cameos By**

**The Wicked Witch of the West (as herself)**

**&**

**Princess of Ithilien (as herself)**

**This is the first chapter in this story to be over 1000 words! Yay!**


	7. Like, Randomness At Its Worst

_I have no idea where this idea came from... But, I am NOT insane. I am blissfully unaware of sanity. Which, I guess, is the same thing as insane, but it sounds a lot better. _

_Oh, and is this the chapter I promised replies to reviews on? Or is it not? Doesn't matter; I'll do it anyway! _

_Your reviews contain comments from none other that... (Theme Music) Darth Vader Gone Insane!(AKA, the Darth Vader who is featured in my story Diary of a Dark Lord. Yes, I HAD to advertise that story. :) )  
_

_**Cowgirl4Christ: She returns to read my insanity! Whoo! Thanks for the comment. I know you love it. Don't we all?  
**_

_**Darth Vader: (glaring) She's been here before? Why? Is she watching me? Oh, gosh! I have a stalker! (runs into wall and falls down))**_

_**ChampionHeartache: Thank you for all your luvverly comments... remember, when quoting me, give me credit!**_

_**Darth Vader: Yes, or I shall hunt you down and gut you like a fish! Which the Grinch said originally. See? Perfect example of how to quote somebody.**_

_**Bitten by a cow: I am not psycho! I am blissfully unaware of sanity. Didn't you read my note? Yeah...**_

_**Darth Vader: I know why Panera has really hard chips. The Emperor cooked them with his Force lightning.**_

_**G-Anakin13: Yes, Small Random Padawan rocks all and sundry.**_

_**Darth Vader: HE SHALL BE TURNED TO THE DARK SIDE! MWAHAHAHAHA... Er, sorry. Got a little carried away with my evilness.**_

_**Katsura-chan: Well, there were five more chapters...**_

_**Darth Vader: Yes! Read them or become a Sith! CHOOSE THE LATTER!**_

****

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Girl Scouts, their cookies, or Hilary Duff(Thank God on that last one.)_

**Chapter 7**

**Like, Randomness At Its Worst**

Now, as we all should realize by the not-so-wonderful example of Jar Jar Binks, Gungans are extremely nervous. At least, that particular one is. So, when something comes Randomly Skipping down a sidewalk, needless to say, this particular Gungan freaks.

Now, not only had Jar Jar never seen somebody skip before, he also had never seen this type of person before.

It was... GASP! A GIRL SCOUT!

"Hi there, mister!" She said in a very very very very high voice.

Jar Jar winced. Gungan ears are very sensitive. "You wanna buy some cookies? Do ya? Huh?"

Suddenly, Jar Jar turned around and ran after the Jedi, screaming, "MESA BEING ATTACKED! MESA BEING ATTACKED!"

"What is that noise?" Qui-Gon said, irritated.

"Jar Jar is screaming about being attacked, but we don't care 'cause we all want him to die anyway." Obi-Wan said, still staring at his oh-so-shiny Key of Happiness, which will probably later become a plot device.

Jar Jar skidded to a halt in front of Qui-Gon, slapping him in the face with his ears again.

Ten feet or so behind them stood the little Girl Scout, crying, her pigtails sort of shaking for no good reason.

Boris the Fish sighed in disgust. "I hate little girls like that... THEY ALWAYS WANT TO BUY US, AND THEN THEY KILL US! OH WAIT! That was a little boy that did that to Ted. Never mind." He magically jumped up into the air to Qui-Gon's shoulder and started to stab him with his now-dull toothpick/sword.

Mace was the first one to actually approach the little girl.

"Hey there.. it's okay. What's your name?"

"Jamie." She sniffed and rubbed her eyes with a fist.

"Yeah well, did that big dude over there scare you?"

Jamie looked over to Jar Jar and nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, his name is Joo Joo,"

"JAR JAR, Mace. JAR JAR."

"Yeah, WHATEVER." Mace called to Qui-Gon over his shoulder.

"Joo Ji or whatever over there is allergic to cookies, and he was afraid of dying. But that guy," Mace continued, pointing to Yoda. "will buy cookies from you."

Jamie's face brightened as though by magic. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah. Now, go on." Mace straightened and grinned down at her. She skipped over to Yoda.

"Hi there, little green man! Are you from Mars? Do you wanna buy some cookies?"

Yoda, being in an extremely weird mood, stared at her for several minutes. Actually, it was only about 7.5 seconds before he raised his stick to hit her.

But then, she disappeared! In her place was a small little piece of paper which Obi-Wan picked up.

It read,

_Your treasure lies in this one place a long way from here. It's sorta deserty, and some boy was born there. I think. Or maybe it was this place with water and trees. Can't remember what the bald dude said. But here's a map."_

Below the message was drawn a crude map in bright pink Crayon, so it was hard to read. But Obi-Wan jumped up and down excitedly.

"Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon! My treasure! The lock! The Key of Happiness! Boo yah!" He proceeded to do a happy little dance.

"No, it's not, and you are NOT allergic to broccoli." Qui-Gon replied, tearing up the message.

"Broccoli? Broccoli, what is?" Questioned Yoda, who had apparently come out of his weird mood.

"Huh? Broccoli? What?" Qui-Gon said, completely ignorant.

"Oh, darn. Here comes another Plot Device." Ki-Adi-Mundi sighed, irritated.

"No! No WAY. No! Really? Oh my GOSH. No. Seriously? Whatever. It was all like, you know. Yeah! No. No! Yeah. Yeah. Like, totally. Yeah!"

Down the sidewalk came none other than some supposedly famous person, who really shouldn't have ever been famous at all. It was one of those singer/actresses who couldn't act OR sing, but was still famous for acting and singing. Yeah, one of THOSE jokes.

It was none other than Hilary Duff.

"Oh NO. No. Really, no." Adi Gallia cried, sitting down on the sidewalk. "WHY?" She screamed at Princess of Ithilien, though it was directed at the sky. "WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS?"

Qui-Gon was staring, wide-eyed. Mace was munching cookies he had stolen from the Girl Scout's bag. Jar Jar was doing whatever he does when he thinks people aren't watched. Obi-Wan was staring at his Key of Happiness. Small Random Padawan was hiding behind Mace. Ki-Adi-Mundi was literally shaking in fear. Or maybe it was because he was hungry since Obi-Wan had eaten his muffin. The world may never know.

Yoda, on the other hand, was staring up at the blond, wondering.

"Strange speech, that is." He said with a decisive nod. The girl loomed ever closer to the group of Jedi.

"Totally! Yeah. Oh my gosh! Yeah! I know, it was SO cute. But I didn't get why that one girl wore that thing to that one party! Oh my gosh! It was SO last year. And not even, like, her COLOR."

When she was about five feet away, the eyes of everyone in the group began to twitch. With the exception of Jar Jar. He was still rather wrapped up with whatever he was doing.

Adi was still screaming at the sky.

Hilary had arrived at the group.

"Talk to you, like, tomorrow. E-mail me. I'll be online later, we can IM. Yeah. Yeah! Bye." She clicked her cell phone shut and shoved it into her pocket.

"Like, hi. Has this little Girl Scout come by? I was, like, supposed to be watching her, but, like, my cell phone rang, you know, and she, like, totally disappeared."

No one spoke. Well, Jar Jar did. "Shesa went that way."

"Like, thanks. Little green guy, get a face lift or SOMETHING, that look is so like, not good for you."

With that, luckily, Hilary Duff walked out and was never seen ever ever ever again. In this story.

"THANK YOU! SHE'S GONE!" Adi shouted once more at the sky, got up, and did a little dance.

"What on earth was THAT about? Force, that was scary." Qui-Gon said.

"The Author being her random self, naturally." Ki-Adi-Mundi answered.

"OH MY GOSH! WHAT IS THAT?"

_Another cliffhanger. Oh, how surprising._

**Like, Randomness At Its Worst Stars**

**Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks**

**Sally Jones as Jamie the Girl Scout**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Mace Windu as Mace Windu **

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**And...**

**A Hilary Duff Lookalike as Hilary Duff, because no one could actually bear to be in the same room with her.**


	8. Threats and Randomosity

_Thanks to all my luvverly reviewers; replies for you._

_**G-Anakin13: Thank you.**_

_**Bitten by a cow: Yeah, I spelled it wrong too. I think I KNEW I was spelling it wrong, as I was going to go and check out the right spelling and fix it, but I forgot to before I posted it. Yes, I can't believe I actually mentioned her in this story. I scare myself.**_

_**Cowgirl4Christ: Why should I care:) And did it REALLY take 7 chapters to make it seem that way? I must be losing my touch.**_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Disney or any Disney films. I also don't own Snickers. Or Star Wars, for that matter. I do own Small Random Padawan(who I love!) and Boris the Fish(who I also love.) And both of those Amazingly Awesome Original Characters deserve applause!_

**Chapter 8**

**Threats and Randomosity**

"So where are we going now?" Obi-Wan asked. How he could actually make conversation while staring intensely at his Key of Happiness is completely unknown to the world.

"Well, since we have nothing better to do and we should really get on with our support group meeting anyway, we're going to go to that desert place mentioned in the note." Qui-Gon said.

"Okay... is that a good place for our meeting?" Obi-Wan was secretly excited. They were going to the desert place where maybe that boy was born! Whoo! He might find his treasure!

_Two hours later..._

"But MAAAASSSSTTTEEERRR!" Obi-Wan whined. "I have to GO! Really bad!"

"Too bad! I told you to go before we went."

"I didn't have to GO then."

"Obi-Wan, if you do not shut up right now about your personal needs, I will lock you in a room and make you watch Disney movies with Jar Jar."

Obi-Wan shrieked in horror. "NOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

Qui-Gon smirked. "Then shut it."

"But I reeeally have to go... BAD."

"That's it. Let's go find _Aladdin _and _The Little Mermaid. _Those are Jar Jar's favorites!"

"ACK!" Obi-Wan yelled. "Jasmine is what my mother called a tramp! So is Ariel! Sitting on a beach NAKED? Who does that?"

"I warned you. Now, be quiet and wait till we get there."

Obi-Wan clenched his legs together and glared at Mace, who was sitting nearby flipping through a _Models the Jedi Way _magazine. Small Random Padawan was curled up next to Adi Gallia, asleep. Ki-Adi-Mundi was groaning because he was hungry. Yoda was gone.

Jar Jar was sitting next to a stranger, talking their ear off, which, apparently, is one of the few things Gungans are good at.

"So, then mesa go and see whosa there, right? And whosa was there? Nobody! Mesa cry and cry and cry, but nobody there! Nobody come."

Little did Jar Jar know that that somebody had cotton plugged in their ears; stuff they had jammed in their during a bathroom break when they realized Jar Jar was intent on talking to them.

"JASMINE HAD HAIR TRANSPLANTS!" Obi-Wan suddenly yelled. It was actually supposed to be a silent thought, but somehow it had come out a shout.

He shrunk into his seat and pretended to examine his boots while people stared at him.

"Loud, that was. True, it also was." Yoda whispered. But, as we all know that Yoda can't really whisper because of the hot chocolate incident, it was more of a rather loud statement.

Finally, they arrived at Hot Desert Planet Place Thing, AKA, Tatooine.

"Ooh! Lookie!" Cried Boris the Fish as he smeared sunscreen on his highly sensitive skin/scales, or whatever fish have.

He was nodding towards something shiny, which, apparently, fish love. Gungans do too.

Now, by now Jar Jar was having a bad case of deja vu, which he shouldn't actually be having because he had never been to this Desert Planet Place Thing before. Nevertheless, he was having deja vu.

"Mesa has been here before, mesa thinks." Jar Jar said.

"Shut UP." Said Adi Gallia, elbowing him. Well, actually, since she didn't really want to TOUCH him, she pushed Mace's elbow into the Gungan's side.

"Jar Jar, you're offending the locals." She nodded towards a group of people who were eyeing the group of newcomers distastefully.

Actually, they were staring at Boris the Fish, wondering what on earth a shiny little green thing was doing here, and why he was wearing sunglasses, a baseball cap, and carrying around an umbrella with lace on it. They were also thinking bad things... which, all in all, added up to Boris on a Stick.

"Why are we here?" Asked Yoda, speaking unbackwards for once.

"Because Fate would have it so." Mace answered heroically.

"In other words, you don't know." Adi supplied helpfully. Mace shrugged.

"Let's go find an empty building." Qui-Gon said.

After finding a Convenient Empty Random Building, they bought some food and went back there.

Just as they were eating, Yoda Randomly got up and left, the _tap taps _of his stick muffled because of the dirt. In fact, there was no tapping at all.

"Sure is a moody green fella."

"Yup. Are there any more Snickers bars?"

"No, Obi-Wan ate them all."

"Di flot!" Mace and Qui-Gon turned to look at him. His face was smeared with chocolate.

"What's that?" Mace Windu tried to grab the Key of Happiness from Obi-Wan.

"MINE! MINE! MINE! GET OFF, YOU FOUL-BREATHED BABOON FACED YUCKY BALD MAN!" Obi-Wan yelled loudly, grabbing a Random Stick and beating Mace's bald head.

"OW! GET OFF ME, YOU PSYCHO!" He punched Obi-Wan in the face.

"ENOUGH! OR IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID FOR YOU!" Qui-Gon screamed. Immediately, the fighting ceased. Neither Jedi could think of a worse punishment; animated musicals that almost always included ladies with big hair.

"HAHA! THERE HE IS! LET'S GET HIM, MEN!"

_Who are the people? Who are they chasing? How many times were the words Random or Randomly used in this chapter? Find out in the next chapter! Or just tell me in your reviews so that I don't have to count!  
_

**Threats and Randomosity Stars**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**Mace Windu as Mace Windu**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**Random Biker Dudes as The Locals**

**Boris the Fish as Boris the Fish**

**With, AMAZINGLY, no cameos.**


	9. What This REALLY Is

_No replies to reviews this time, 'cause I don't really feel like it... sorry._

_Disclaimer: There actually isn't an actual disclaimer this chapter.. only that I don't own Star Wars, but we all knew that already._

**Chapter 9**

**What This REALLY Is...**

A group of The Locals charged into the room, grabbing for Boris the Fish. He was, however, slippery from the sunscreen he had lathered on and trying to grab a slimy fish is rather like trying to grab a wet bar of soap.

While they fought to keep a hold on him, Obi-Wan and Mace resumed their argument, Qui-Gon shook his head and buried his face in his hands, and Jar Jar clapped.

Then Yoda hobbled back into the room. Above the din of the fighting, screaming, yelling, punching, and so on, he rasped out, "Figured out, why you are here, I did," Yoda said proudly. "Episode I this is supposed to be. Be here, I, Mace, Adi, and Ki-Adi-Mundi should not."

That stopped everything cold.

"Wait... so, this is Episode I? Seriously? That is SO screwed up." Obi-Wan said, trying to twist out of the grip Mace had on his neck.

"But shouldn't that mean that we have the Queen with is, and our ship needs repairs and stuff?" Qui-Gon asked.

"And if we don't have the Queen, WHY do we have HIM?" Obi-Wan said, pointing at Jar Jar disgustedly.

"Let me see the script." Mace dug out a script from his pocket; the others did likewise.

Across the front was written,

**Star Wars**

**Episode I**

**The Phantom Menace**

Unfortunately, this was crossed out with red Sharpie, and underneath was written, also in red,

**Princess of Ithilien's**

**Revised Star Wars**

**Episode I**

**The Phantom Something-or-other**

"We are in some sick, twisted reality, aren't we?" Ki-Adi-Mundi said.

"Well, let's just flip through it and see what happens next," Adi supplied, looking through the script. Unfortunately, it ended in the middle. The last line that was seen was,

ADI GALLIA: "Well, let's just flip through it and see what happens next,"

"WHAT?" Qui-Gon screamed, and that suddenly appeared in everyone's scripts.

"We're making everything up as we go along? WHAT? Where is George Lucas?" Mace cried.

Suddenly, a voice came into the room from... above.

"George Lucas is gone and has left the films in my care. Now, get on with it!"

"I really hate her..." Adi muttered.

Boris the Fish had been sneaking silently away from the group of Locals, who were also staring at their scripts. It made for a very fascinating read, I'm sure.

"Well, what we s'posed to do now?" Small Random Padawan piped up from the ground, where he was sitting, cross-legged.

"Well, the Queen is not with us, right? But HE is, for some reason. We're supposed to find some kid, I think..." Qui-Gon said.

"If this is the revised movie play thingie, why does it seem like real life?" Obi-Wan asked. "And WHY do YOU know stuff about the way things are supposed to be?"

"Because I'm QUI-GON, dummy. I know everything."

"Right. Sure. Whatever." Obi-Wan went back to staring at his Key of Happiness.

"Well, we better be going. We're off to find-"

"The Wizard?" Obi-Wan finished excitedly. Qui-Gon glared at him.

"NO. We're off to find a blue flying dude."

"Oh, yay."

"Come ON, everyone." The group of Jedi and their annoying Gungan companion, along with Boris the Fish on Small Random Padawan's shoulder, left the room, with the Locals staying in the room, perusing the scripts and wondering at the shortness of the chapter.

_This is the first incredibly short chapter in a while... but worry not! RANDOMNESS WILL COME! MWAHAHAHA!_

**What This REALLY Is... Stars**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**Mace Windu as Mace Windu**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**Random Biker Dudes as The Locals**

**Boris the Fish as Boris the Fish**


	10. Appearances, Disappearances

_Thanks to all my luvverly reviewers... Replies for you..._

_**ChampionHeartache: Of course it did. I always make people laugh. Mwah.**_

_**G-Anakin13: Thank you!**_

_**Cowgirl4Christ: And yet you reviewed...:) I'm working on the Jar Jar Death Plan. **_

_Disclaimer: I do not own... anything._

**Chapter 10**

**Appearances, Disappearances...**

"Hi there. We're supposed to be looking for parts for a ship that's damaged, but the ship isn't actually damaged. However, we're here anyway."

Watto looked up from a few pieces of scrap metal he had been working with.

"Huh? What youse want?" He spoke with a Brooklyn accent.

"We need to get something fixed!" Obi-Wan called suddenly, motioning to a long tube that Small Random Padawan was holding.

"Oh. Youse want Wonder Boy. I'll get 'im."

The small flying blue dude got up and flew into a back room.

"Wonder Boy! Customers up front."

Watto stayed in the back room and a short boy with sandy blond hair came running up.

"Yeah? Yeah? Need something fixed? I can fix anything! You bet I can! And I can TOO race, Mom!"

"STUPID KID, YOU GOT YOUR LINE WRONG AGAIN!"

Princess of Ithilien's chair floated down from seemingly nowhere. She lifted the megaphone to her mouth and shouted into it.

"WONDER BOY! GET OVER HERE!"

The kid timidly walked over to her. Princess of Ithilien leaned down and motioned with one finger for him to move closer, doing so until his face was inches from hers.

"YOU STUPID KID! CAN'T YOU REMEMBER YOUR LINES? THE LINE IS, 'NEED SOMETHING FIXED? I CAN DO IT!' THE RACING LINE DOESN'T COME UNTIL LATER. GOT IT?"

The kid nodded slowly and Princess of Ithilien leaned back in her chair. "Good. Okay... Make-up Lady! Do SOMETHING with that bruise on Obi-Wan's face."

Obi-Wan lifted his finger to his eye and winced as he made contact with a tender spot. Apparently the bruise had gone unnoticed because of the Key of Happiness. Mace snickered.

The Make-up Lady dabbed some powder stuff on Obi-Wan's face and the mark magically disappeared.

"Okay.. ACTION!"

The kid ran into the room again. "Yeah? Yeah? Need something fixed? I can fix anything! You bet I can!"

Qui-Gon indulged the boy's excitement with a faint chuckle.

"Well, we don't really have anything that's broken, far as I know. But right now we're supposed to go out into this sandstorm and you take us back to your house. Okay?"

The boy jumped up and down. "Yeah! Oh boy!"

Suddenly, the non-existant bell on the non-existant door rang merrily. The group turned to behold whoever had come into the room. Jar Jar's ears smacked Qui-Gon in the face again, but the Jedi didn't have any time to retaliate.

The menacing theme music started to play... the group gasped... Yoda nearly fainted...

It was... DARTH VADER!

Qui-Gon looked around, confused. Yoda was even more confused.

"Be here, you should not. For you, that is." He pointed at the little boy.

"I'm not a big guy in a black suit thing! My name is Anakin Skywalker, and don't you forget it!" The Now-Recognized-As-Anakin boy said.

"Listen, Yoda. You are not teaching me any more. I am the Master!" Darth Vader retorted, pointing a finger at Yoda.

"Uhh... you're supposed to say that to me in like, forty years or something." Obi-Wan piped up, not taking his eyes from the Key of Happiness.

"Yeah, whatever."

"How in the WORLD is this Episode I?" Mace Windu cried. "And how can there be two Anakins?"

"I am NOT Anakin!" Darth Vader shouted.

"Yeah, well, you were. So there." Ki-Adi-Mundi stuck his tongue out.

"Where are we supposed to go now?" Adi asked Qui-Gon, who shook his head in confusion.

"I have no idea..."

"Let's go outside!"

"Look! A walking spork!" Boris the Fish shouted as the group made their way outside.

"Wow..." Small Random Padawan, who had never seen a spork before, said in awe.

"No time to look at sporks! We have to figure this out!" Qui-Gon said in irritation. Just as he said it, the spork disappeared. Yoda suddenly realized that Jar Jar was nowhere to be found... not that he or anyone else cared.

"Wait a minute... if this is Episode I and he is here," Adi Gallia said, pointing at Vader, "Then when we get to Episode IV, will there be two Vaders?"

The question was one of the only logical things the group had heard all day. Vader froze and his breathing became heavy...er.

"Two of me? No! That's impossible! THERE IS ONLY ONE ME! ONLY ONE! ONLY ONE!" Darth Vader then proceeded to become extremely hysterical.

"Wow..." Anakin said, amazed. He had never seen someone become hysterical before.

"The script doesn't help us. I don't know what to do!" Qui-Gon cried, dropping his script on the ground and grabbing handfuls of his hair. His script disappeared... for no good reason.

"QUI-GON! YOU GIRLY MAN!"

_Who called Qui-Gon a girly man? Do I know? Actually... no! Where is Jar Jar?_

**Appearances, Disappearances... Stars**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Watto as Watto**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**Anakin Skyplopper as Anakin Skywalker(They're distant relations, we couldn't get the REAL Anakin, his schedule was full)**

**Mace Windu as Mace Windu**

**Darth Vader as Darth Vader**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**Boris the Fish as Boris the Fish**

**With Cameos By...**

**Princess of Ithilien (as herself)**

**Arwen Undomiel as the Make-up Lady**

**Fred Astaire as The Walking Spork**


	11. Mothers, Corn Dogs, Really Bad Chapter

_A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to update, y'all. I've been so busy lately, it's not even funny... and then school is starting soon, so updates might be few and far between, but I'll work something out._

_Disclaimer:_

**Chapter 11**

**Mothers, Corn Dogs, Really Bad Chapter**

_RECAP:_

_"QUI-GON! YOU GIRLY MAN!"_

Qui-Gon turned around and drew his lightsaber in a very sudden and random move. Jar Jar, who had magically appeared again, turned around very quickly, smacking Qui-Gon in the back of the head with his ridiculously large ears. The Jedi growled in anger, not only at being smacked by giant ears, but at being called a girly man. Again.

A lady walked up to them, dressed in neon green and blue. Her hair was a bright red, and her eyes were surrounded by layers and layers of eyeshadow, neon pink and neon orange.

Qui-Gon's right eye began to twitch violently as he lowered his lightsaber and put it away.

The woman, who was rather... hefty, so to speak, kept up a steady walk towards them, leaning heavily on a walker.

"_Mom?" _Qui-Gon shrieked, almost in horror.

"Yes, Qui-Gon. I am ashamed of you. Simply and utterly ASHAMED. Look at you! I taught my boy better than that! Having his hair longer than a respectable girl's! Shameful! Simply shameful!" The woman, now recognized as Qui-Gon's mother, said, shaking a plump finger at her son.

"We've been over this. I love my hairdo, you hate it, whatever. We've agreed to disagree, and plus, you're not IN this movie! So go away!" Qui-Gon turned to rejoin the group of Jedi, boy, Gungan and fish, but his mother grabbed his arm.

"Get off! You're not even my real mother!"

She let go suddenly, her eyes filling with pain. "But... but..."

"Dad TOLD me, like, ages ago. I'm HIS son, but you adopted me or something! So go away! I don't have to listen to you! Hahahaha!" Qui-Gon stuck his tongue out at her, laughing. She suddenly vanished in a poof of neon-colored smoke.

Jar Jar, who had not had the sense to turn around, coughed, but nobody was paying attention.

"My house is that way," Anakin said, pointing to the left.

"Whosa are yousa?" Jar Jar said to him. Anakin poked him in the eye, because Jar Jar scared him.

"DUUUUUUUUUUUDE!" The group turned as one to see a bunch of people staring at them. They were holding... corn dogs.

"This the circus?" One of them said, munching on his corn dog. Yoda was eyeing the food hungrily.

"What's a circus?" Obi-Wan whispered to Qui-Gon, who ignored him. Ki-Adi-Mundi answered for him.

"The circus is where all the reject Jedi go... the ones that never passed the trials. The jugglers.. well, they're trying to hold on to what's left of the Force, you know. And the rest of them... well, let's just say it's the worst profession..." His voice was low and solemn as he eyed the crowd distastefully.

Apparently, Anakin had fallen asleep, curled up on the dirty, sandy ground by Adi Gallia's feet. "No... no, Mommy... No... no... The penguins are attacking and I am NOT a pickle!"

The entired group, spectators, Jedi, fish, Gungan and all, swerved to observe the odd little boy asleep on the ground. Adi was looking around nervously, but eventually just picked the boy up with the Force and moved him away from her.

Everybody inched away from him, except for the apparent circus fans, who crowded around him, munching on various foodstuffs.

The Jedi huddled together.

"I say we ditch the kid." Obi-Wan said. Qui-Gon shook his head. "We can't do that. There's no Episode I if there is no kid."

Yoda spoke up from the ground. "Anger, I feel in him. Fear. Randomness. Scares me, this does. Good sign, it is not. Chosen One, he may not be."

Adi Gallia sighed. "I'm really tired. I'm hungry. I need to sleep. Are we done here?" She rubbed her brilliant eyes and stifled a yawn.

Jar Jar loped up to them, ears flapping, one of them slapping Qui-Gon on the side of his face.

Ki-Adi-Mundi coughed. "This has not exactly gone to plan, has it?"

"What plan?" Qui-Gon asked.

"There has never BEEN a plan." Mace confirmed, glancing nervously at the people crowding around Anakin.

Ki-Adi-Blahblah coughed again. "Well, didn't this all start out at a support group meeting?"

Qui-Gon's eyes lit up. "Say, you're right! But we obviously can't have a meeting now... we have to finish the Episode!"

Suddenly, Jar Jar collapsed!

_Why is this chapter so random and not-funny? Why is Jar Jar NOT dead? Or is he? Do I know? I doubt it!_

**Mothers, Corn Dogs, Really Bad Chapter Stars**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**Mace Windu as Mace Windu**

**Anakin Skywalker as Anakin Skywalker(We managed to get the real one for this chapter. Cost us a pretty penny, and I'm not talking copper...)**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Characters Not Mentioned But Who WERE Actually There:**

**Boris the Fish as Boris the Fish(Well, I HAD to mention him, but unfortunately, he never talked...)**

**Darth Vader as Darth Vader**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**With Cameos by...**

**Lila Brown the Bingo Lady as Qui-Gon's Mother**

**Some Random Surfer People as the Random Circus Fans**

**Just for the record, I am not all that fond of this chapter. Honestly, I think it sucks, but that's just me. I apologize for this horrendous chapter and promise better ones in the future.**


	12. Random Pickle Lines

_A/N: I am actually aware that the last chapter was... well, crap. Yeah. That's what it was. SOOOO... I'm going to fix it! Whoo! (waiting for applause) What insues is how I fix it... in my random way! (waits again for applause and leaves the "stage)_

_OH! FORGOT! READ THIS! Sorry I haven't done replies to reviews in... forever. I will next chapter! Promise! If I don't, you can... choke me with a Skittle!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Panera or James Bond or whatever else I mention in this chapter..._

**Chapter 12 or 11**

**Random Pickle Lines**

"Umm.. bad news, guys." Qui-Gon said, rejoining the group and fingering his belt nervously.

"What?" Mace asked.

"Well...apparently, the last chapter actually didn't happen. It was one of those virtual reality things... meaning, we have to actually DO a Chapter 11 now, because that last one was fake."

"WHAT?" Obi-Wan squealed, clutching his Key of Happiness dramatically to his chest.

"Yeah. This Princess person is crazy. Psycho. Coo-coo in the head." Qui-Gon muttered, frustrated.

"Mesa see Starbucks!" Jar Jar cried in excitement. The group swerved as one at the mention of Starbucks, since, as we all know, Starbucks is an amazingly amazing place.

"No it's not, stupid." Small Random Padawan said, kicking Jar Jar in the shin. As the Gungan went leaping about in pain(his ears slapping against Qui-Gon's face) Yoda sighed in disappointment.

"A Panera, that is. Been there, already, we have."

"Hey..." Obi-Wan said, looking around, puzzled. "Wait a minute... I never had my bagel! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BAGEL?"

"We threw it into the Dungeon." Mace said in a sarcastic tone.

"WHAT? THE DUNGEON? YOU THREW MY BAGEL IN THE DUNGEON? HOW DARE YOU! AND MY PICKLES ARE NOT TALKING TO ME!" Obi-Wan screamed in horror, actually DROPPING his Key of Happiness since it requires two hands to grasp your hair in horror.

However, since Obi-Wan had very little hair, he decided to yank on his Padawan's braid and bite his thumb instead.

SUDDENLY!

A very cool and suave man rather sauntered out from under the awning of a nearby fruit stand.

He bent in a very cool, professional yet casual way to retrieve Obi-Wan's Key of Happiness, picking it up out of the dust without getting ANY dirt at all on his fingers...

"Whosa are yousa?" Jar Jar questioned loudly. Small Random Padawan shouted at him to shut up and kicked him in his other shin.

"The name is Bond." The man in the suit said quickly, pocketing the key. Then, in a more drawn out manner, he continued, "James Bond." This was said with a rather cool and sort of decisive nod.

"Woooowww..." Ki-Adi-Mundi muttered in amazement, staring at the suave person before them.

Adi Gallia was practically hopping with excitement...

"Mr Bond... do you think... do you think I could be in one of your movies? Maybe? I've always wanted to be a Bond girl, you know! I've been taking these acting classes..." Her voice sounded different; altered, as may be, as though she wasn't really the one speaking.

"Perhaps, perhaps." James Bond flashed her a dazzling smile and she practically melted. Not literally, of course, since a pile of melted Adi Gallia would be... uh, never mind. Moving on to the NEXT splendid paragraph...

Qui-Gon scowled in James's general direction, angry that this man had taken away attention and concentration from the business at hand; making Chapter 11. Or Chapter 12, as may be...

Darth Vader was also scowling, under his mask, of course.

Small Random Padawan was watching Jar Jar jump around in pain.

Aforementioned Gungan was jumping around in pain.

Yoda was asleep, drooling.

Adi Gallia was swooning over James Bond. Big surprise.

Ki-Adi-Mundi was staring at him in that sort of esteemed jealously, where you admire somebody but want to kill them at the same time.

Mace Windu was commenting on the amount of bruised fruit of the stand James Bond had been standing at.

Qui-Gon was scowling, as was mentioned before.

Obi-Wan was in shock. His Padawan's braid was messy, but not torn out, his thumb was bleeding from him biting it, and he had a sort of glazed look in his eyes.

Boris the Fish, who we have, unfortunately, not mentioned in a while, was munching on a bit of his bagel/floating device, the part he had saved from getting wet since he figured he'd need a snack later on.

Anakin Skywalker was trying to build a robot out of sand. Brilliant kid, that one.

And since I think we've mentioned everyone who is a staple character in this story, we shall now go on to what the spectators were doing...

The lady in the fruit stand was scowling at Mace for saying her fruit was bruised, especially since the sign over her stand specifically said, 'GET BRUISED FRUIT HERE'. Bruised Fruit Pie was a speciality in Tatooine.

Then, Anakin suddenly got up from the ground, looking as though he had just realized something.

"I have just realized something." He announced, for he had indeed just realized something.

"Obi-Wan, you said a Random Pickle Line this chapter, but I already DID one last chapter! And there's only supposed to be one per story! You know that!"

Qui-Gon growled. The kid was just... not the brightest lightbulb.

"Kid, I TOLD you. The last chapter wasn't REAL! Meaning, my mother was never there, and that your pickle line doesn't count. It was virtual reality, or so the people told me. Who knows if they were lying... but anyway, Obi-Wan's Random Pickle Line DOES count, and you better shut up!"

Anakin cowered in fear, for Qui-Gon had drawn and powered up his lightsaber, and was looking at it and Anakin in turn. "Yessir." He said quickly, creeping behind Mace.

Qui-Gon turned his lightsaber off and clipped it back on his belt. Shaking his head and rubbing his eyes, he said, "Well, I guess that takes care of Chapter 11. Or 12. Or this scene, or whatever it is!"

_Randomness! Better than the last, eh? How will the NEXT chapter start? Hmm? Who knows?_

**Random Pickle Lines Stars**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Mace Windu as Mace Windu**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Darth Vader as Darth Vader**

**Boris the Fish as Boris the Fish**

**Anakin Skywalker as Anakin Skywalker**

**With Cameos By**

**Judy Garland as the Bruised Fruit Stand Lady**

**"I'd Rather Be Anonymous" Cool Dude as James Bond**


	13. It Was Like This

_A/N: I know, I know, everybody's gonna want to hunt me down and stab me with toothpicks 'cause I haven't updated. It's only been a month..._

_And since I don't want to be choked with a Skittle, I shall now do replies..._

_**G-Anakin13**: I don't know if you stopped reading because Chapter 11 was horrible or what, but you didn't review Chapter 12, so... yeah._

_**Bitten by a cow**: Don't die! And that's all I can say._

_**Cowgirl4Christ**: AMEN, sista!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything. I swear!_

_By the way, I have been re-reading some of the chapters, and, unfortunately, have realized that my spelling has slipped. Not sure if anybody noticed it, but for an English freak like myself, it's really bad... so I will strive to do better._

**Chapter 13**

**It Was... Like This**

"What are we supposed to do _now?_" Mace asked with a sigh.

"I'm bored!"

"I'm tired!"

"I'm hungry!"

"SHUT UP!" Qui-Gon screamed. Oh, he had the worst luck. Not to mention a tension headache from H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. Rubbing his temples, he glared at the group. Why did HE have to be chosen as leader of this oh-so-wonderful expedition? Why couldn't this author-ess person torture somebody else?

"Okay... first... Mace, you're gonna carry Obi-Wan." Mace groaned audibly and stared at the Padawan on the ground. Stupid kid.

Obi-Wan was curled in the fetal position, muttering.

"We're now gonna head to..." Out of Nowhere, a map appeared in Qui-Gon's hands. Unfortunately, it was a map of Naboo, instead of Tatooine, so he threw it away.

"Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon!"

"WHAT?" Qui-Gon turned quickly and glared at Anakin, who had been saying his name over and over and over and over and over.

"Uhh... I forgot. Sorry."

"Stupid kid." Qui-Gon muttered, turning his back to the now-annoying child.

"Wait! I remembered!" Anakin shouted. Yoda was right by him when he shouted, and since the little green guy has large ears that are very sensitive, a shout hurts. Therefore, he hit Anakin with his stick!

"OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW! Dude! That was NOT cool!"

"Do not wound the future evil Lord!" Darth Vader warned. Yoda stuck out his tounge. Darth Vader tried to kick him. Yoda bit his ankle.

"Ahhhhhhh!" Darth Vader screamed.

Ignoring the ruckus, Qui-Gon looked down at Anakin. "What did you remember?"

"Uhhh... oh yeah! We're supposed to be going to my house!"

"Oh really? And WHY are we supposed to be going to your house? Hmm? Hmm?" Qui-Gon asked, annoyed.

"It's in the script."

"No, it's not!"

"Yeah, it is!"

"No, it's not!"

"Well just LOOK!"

Qui-Gon reached for the convenient script-holder on his belt, only to find that it was missing. "Darn! Where did my script go?"

"Uh.. you threw it on the ground in Chapter 10 and it disappeared. Remember?" Adi Gallia supplied.

"Drat!" Qui-Gon said in a suddenly-English accent.

Ki-Adi-Mundi raised an eyebrow in question.

"Well, let me borrow yours." Qui-Gon said, reaching for Anakin's script. The boy screeched and ran away.

"You can't! It's MINE! To be used by ME only!"

And indeed, it was. For under

**Princess of Ithilien's**

**Revised Star Wars**

**Episode I**

**The Phantom Something-or-other**

was written

**For Use By Anakin Skywalker ONLY**

**Or Else**

**Doom Shall Come Upon Thee**

"Oh, biscuits. I don't believe in silly superstitions." Qui-Gon said, grabbing the script out of Anakin's hands.

Suddenly, a shadow passed over Qui-Gon... time seemed to stand still...

Looking up, he glared at the plane passing slowly overhead.

"Anyway.. okay... so yes, we have to go to Anakin's house. Now WHY we have to, I have no idea, but yeah. So, let's head out everybody! Obi-Wan! Don't eat that!"

Mace jogged over to Obi-Wan, pulled the bruised piece of fruit out of his hands, and heaved the Padawan onto his shoulders. "Ugh. This kid weighs a ton. What'd he eat for lunch, bricks?"

"Grass is always greener on the other side, you know." Obi-Wan muttered.

Mace rolled his eyes, which is a very dramatic thing when you have no hair.

"Every cloud has a silver lining..."

"Okay, Captain Cliche, just shut up."

"Better late then never..."

**HOW will it turn out? Why hasn't Boris the Fish spoken? Where is Small Random Padawan? Why did I ignored practically everyone this chapter? How long will this story be? Will it go through all 6 episodes? Do I have any clue? Actually... NO! **

**It Was... Like This Stars**

**Mace Windu as Mace Windu**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Anakin Skywalker as Anakin Skywalker**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Darth Vader as Darth Vader**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**And with no cameos! What is wrong with me!**

A/N: Now, this chapter.. is not very funny. Sorry. I know, I haven't updated in forever, and I just felt so guilty I had to post SOMETHING! And everyone is probably going to stop reading because of Chapter 11, and now this...


	14. The Unnamed Chapter!

_SOOOOO... How are all my luvverly reviewers this fine October day? Actually, it's pretty cold where I am, I'm tired, kinda hungry, and not in the best mood. Moody Writers R Us. Actually, it has nothing to do with moods. OK, I'm shutting up now, I promise._

_Replies! To! Reviews!_

_**Bitten by a cow: Can you really LOVE with a vengeance?**_

_**Cowgirl4Christ: Boris? Boris is... coming soon, in a theatre near you.**_

_**G-Anakin13: Oh, no! I could never quit! Not when I have 3 faithful reviewers! **_

_Disclaimer: It's very very likely that I own nothing in this chapter._

**Chapter 14**

**The Unnamed Chapter!**

"Will you shut up!" Mace growled at Anakin, who had been singing 'This Is The Song That Never Ends' for the past twenty minutes.

Anakin stopped singing, but began to hum '99 Bottles of Beer On the Wall'. Mace groaned, then called to Qui-Gon, who was a few steps ahead of him.

"How much longer is this gonna take? Obi-Wan weighs a ton!"

"Shut up! We'll get there when we get there, and if you don't stop complaining, it's no ice cream for you!" Qui-Gon shouted back.

"Sheesh."

"Lookit! Lookit what I found!" Small Random Padawan, who had been mysteriously missing for a while, held up a shiny piece of plastic.

"Small Random Padawan, don't just pick random things up off the ground. You have no idea where that's been." Ki-Adi-Mundi scolded, gently easing the bit of dirty but shiny plastic out of the boy's hands and throwing it into a garbage can.

"But it's mine! My shiny plastic." Small Random Padawan shrieked, going over to the trash can and attempting to dig it out. Ki-Adi-Something dug a coin out of his pocket, buffed it on his sleeve, and handed it to the boy, who oohed and ahed over it.

Unfortunately, all of this mention of shiny things had alerted Obi-Wan once again to the fact that his Key of Happiness was gone, and he was crying uncontrollably.

"That's it!" Mace shouted. "If you can cry, you can walk." Unceremoniously, he dumped Obi-Wan on the ground and rotated his shoulders, trying to loosen up the muscles.

"Qui-Gon! My Key of Happiness is gone!" Obi-Wan shouted. Qui-Gon was not listening. He was trying to talk to Anakin, because they had been wandering Tatooine for hours and hours and they still had not arrived at the boy's house.

Meanwhile, Yoda was leaning against his stick, napping while standing up, a bit of drool dripping from his mouth. Adi pointed at him, mouthing 'Ewww' to Darth Vader. Darth Vader glanced over and erupted into laughter. Apparently when you've been evil for a long time, your sense of humor goes completely out of wack.

Boris the Fish, who we have not heard from since the twelfth chapter or so, had actually been doing a little bit of shopping.

He hurried back to the group, laden with bags, wearing sunglasses and a visor.

"Does anybody have any water?" He rasped, hopping into Adi's outstretched hand. He tossed his bags over to Darth Vader, who shoved them into a small pouch on his belt.

"Water... water..."

"Qui-Gon! I wanna go home! I lost my Key of Happiness and I never got my bagel! This trip sucks!" Obi-Wan whined.

"How much longer do we have to be here? I hate it here! It's hot!" Small Random Padawan cried, for he was very miserable.

"Qui-Gon, my head is sunburned." Mace called. Ki-Adi-Mundi shouted out the same thing.

"Anakin! Where is your house! You'd better tell me before I get angry!" Qui-Gon shouted.

"Huh? Oh, my house? It's right over there." Anakin pointed to a building not four feet from where the group was standing, then headed towards it happily.

"I'm gonna kill him... I'm gonna kill him!" Qui-Gon reached for his lightsaber, a crazed look in his eyes, but Mace tackled him and dumped a Random Bucket of Water on his face to snap him out of it. The crazed looked faded.

Boris the Fish flipped himself off of Adi's hand and into a Second Random Bucket of Water, sighing contentedly as he splashed around.

Darth Vader picked the bucket up and followed the group into the small little house.

Jar Jar, who had also been mysteriously missing for a while, appeared and tapped Yoda on the shoulder.

When the little green fellow did not wake up, Jar Jar, being the smart Gungan that he is, just left him standing in the street and followed the group into the building.

"Now is our chance..." a voice whispered in the shadows, watching the little green being snore.

_Who is the voice in the shadows? How will the entire group fit into Anakin's small little house? Will anyone in the group actually be murdered eventually? Do I know? No!_

**Sadly, I'm not going to do credits this time. Too tired. Too lazy. This chapter doesn't even have a title, y'all. And no cameos once again.**


	15. Midgets That Are Bigger Than Me!

_So... I return! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway. I'm chewing gum. That is my inspiration. For this chapter. Umm... this is a funny chapter! At least, the two sentences I've planned out in my head are. So yeah. Umm... REPLIES! to REVIEWS!_

_**Replies**_

_**ChampionHeartache: Well, poor Mace is... just... I just USE him in whatever way necessary. WAIT! That sounds so wrong... umm... never mind...**_

_**G-Anakin13: He was! And he's coming back again! Soon... soon... sooooooon...**_

_**Bitten by a cow: So it stings less now. But... still. Glad you liked Chapter 11, it's growing on me, to be honest. Chapter 13, I can't remember it at all. Sorry you don't think it's funny. Nobody's obligated to read. If you've lost interest, that's perfectly fine. It happens. I understand.**_

**_Cowgirl4Christ: RESEMBLANCE TO A PLOT?!?!? Oh, NO! My writing! What happened to it! It seems like there's a PLOT? Oh, how shall I go on, HOW shall I go ON? ... Okay, sorry. Umm... if it did, that was totally accidental 'cause (I'll let you in on a secret) This story has no plot... never has... most likely never will... Oh, and yay, you posted in my forum and now shall bug me until I go completely insane. Wait, I'm there already. HAHA!_**

_**Now that those EXCELLENT replies are over, I can stop writing in BOLD. **On to the next chapter, ladeedadeedadeeda..._

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Little Beings, and after this chapter you will understand why, I do not own... whatever else. I MEANT to mention some stuff that I could disclaim but it wouldn't fit in so this is about all that you get._

**Warning: This Chapter Is Over 1000 Words Long. It contains randomness and insanity.**

**You Have Been Warned.**

**Chapter 15**

**Midgets That Are Bigger Than Me!**

"Go, go! Circle around!"

"Not THAT way, you idiot, the other way!"

"Is it left or right?"

"I'm hungry!"

Four little whispering beings descended (rather) on Yoda, who was sleeping and drooling. Yes, still.

Shadows fell across his little green self... the sky grew dark, but that was only because of the rainstorm...

"Auuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhh!" Yoda awoke with a start. It was actually because one of the Four Little Beings pushed him over, and when he fell he thunked his chin with his stick, which hurt a lot.

He stood up quickly, looking at the Four Little Beings that had him surrounded...

"Ack!" He cried.

"Was that his cry of surprise?"

"If it was, MAN was it lame."

"Fools, you are. Choking, I was." Yoda replied, scowling.

"Hairball?"

"My cat had a hairball the other day! It was gross." Little Being # 1 said.

"You don't have a cat." Little Being # 3 told Little Being # 1.

"Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" Yoda cried.

"THAT was his cry of surprise." Little Being # 2 informed the other Little Beings.

Yoda looked up at the Little Beings (because it's very hard to be shorter than Yoda) fear in his eyes. "Midgets that, bigger than me, are!" He cried. Or shouted. Or... croaked. Since he kinda has a croak-y voice.

"Yeah!" Little Being # 1 pumped a fist in the air. "Finally, somebody shorter than us!"

"Names, what are your?" Yoda asked.

"Does he always talk like that?" Little Being # 4 asked.

"Yes."

"Who was THAT?" Little Being # 2 asked, his eyes wide as plates. Though that's pretty impossible and a scary mental picture.

"The Author."

"Why is that capitalized?" Little Being # 3 inquired.

"Because It Is."

Before Little Being # 3 could ask why THAT was capitalized, Little Being # 1 started naming off all the other Little Beings.

"I'm Frodo, that's Sam, Pippin, and Merry. Or, Merry and Pippin, since that rolls off the tongue better."

"Surround me, why did you?"

"Ah, now we come to THAT..."

_Intermission! Now we cut over to the Jedi Group, who are currently trying to cram into Shmi's very small house._

"Ow! You're squashing my arm!"

"Well YOU'RE stomping on my toes!"

"Stop elbowing me in the gut, will ya?"

"I can't breathe! I'm being smothered!" This was from Small Random Padawan, and since he is a very important character, everyone listened to him and stopped smothering him.

Obi-Wan, whose arm was being squashed, shifted so that he was not elbowing Mace in the gut, and Qui-Gon stepped off of his Padawan's toes.

Boris the Fish was safe at present in his Sturdy Bucket of Water, which was on the table in the middle of all the food. Luckily, it was a GLASS Sturdy Bucket of Water, so he could see what was happening.

Anakin was chatting excitedly with his mother, who was staring, horrified, at the group of people stuffed into her house.

Jar Jar was standing off to the side, doing a little dance, his ears wagging back and forth. Qui-Gon unfortunately was trying to move to a place where he could actually breathe, and Jar Jar's ears slapped him in the face.

He had no time to react, however, as Shmi began to talk.

"I... welcome you all to my home. You are certainly welcome to stay for our evening meal, if you wish..." She forced a smile.

27 and 1/4 minutes later, they were all seated in a manner that suited everyone, and the conversation was anything but ordinary.

"Do you like fish?"

"Hey! No fish-eating talk!" Shouted Boris from his Bucket.

"Sorry." Ki-Adi-Mundi apologized.

"Jar Jar! That's DISGUSTING."

This made everyone turn and watch in morbid fascination as the Gungan ate his meal. Gungans eat in very... interesting ways.

Qui-Gon turned to Anakin's mother, wishing he had a written script, but as of yet all he had was a book that only led up to the events of their adventure thus far.

"We need... parts. For a ship. That... doesn't exist. I believe. No, wait. We already did that. Shoot! That was at Watto's. Let me think. What am I supposed to say to you?" Qui-Gon grabbed a fistful of hair in frustration.

Shmi smiled politely, excusing herself to the kitchen where she proceeded to make strange faces in regards to her guests.

"Umm... anybody wanna see my droid? Do ya? Do ya? It's a really cool droid! I made up a letter-number name for him! It's so cool!" Anakin asked, badgering everyone at the table.

"Luckily, there's no girl here, like, the queen's maid or whatever she was supposed to be." Qui-Gon muttered.

"How do you KNOW what's SUPPOSED to be happening?" Obi-Wan asked.

"I don't KNOW, Obi-Wan. Just go eat your Jello."

Obi-Wan sat down, pouting as he ate his Jello.

As Jar Jar and Adi Gallia went to see Anakin's droid, Small Random Padawan curled up in a corner of the room to take a nap, and SUDDENLY(Because nothing has happened suddenly in quite a while) there was a knock on the door! Though knocks are always really sudden because you never exactly know WHEN somebody's going to knock, unless you peek out the window and see someone coming, then you can anticipate the knock but that's kinda cheating the system.

Anyway, there was a knock! And everyone jumped, because the knock was unexpected!

_Who is at the door? What are the Little Beings/Midgets That Are Bigger Than Me/Hobbits planning to do with Yoda? _

**Midgets That Are Bigger Than Me Stars**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Mace Windu as Mace Windu**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Boris the Fish as Boris the Fish**

**Anakin Skywalker as Anakin Skywalker**

**Jar Jar Binks as Jar Jar Binks**

**Ki-Adi-Mundi as Ki-Adi-Mundi**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**With Cameos By**

**Peregrin Took as Frodo Baggins**

**Samwise Gamgee as Meriadoc Brandybuck**

**Meriadoc Brandybuck as Samwise Gamgee**

**Frodo Baggins as Peregrin Took**

**Vanna White as Shmi Skywalker**


	16. Midgets, Men, & Fish In Bowl

_Well thanks ever so much to everybody for reviewing and all that, umm... that's all I have to say._

_I am NOT, in fact, doing replies to reviews this chapter._

_Okay, yes I am. I lied._

_Nope, I lied again, I'm not._

_Okay, so I am. I keep lying which makes me feel horrible._

_No, I'm not gonna do them... it's not like anybody READS them or anything!_

_But I should. Gotta keep up the tradition._

_Not that there IS a tradition..._

_Okay, I'm gonna stop acting shizo and do replies!_

_**Replies to Reviews!**_

_**Bitten by a cow: As I said, Vanna White is that lady on the Wheel of Fortune. She's had so many plastic surgeries and face lifts and Botox injections and all sorts of stuff. Doesn't look a thing like she did 10 years ago or whatever.**_

_**Cowgirl4Christ: Let's see... I don't know; Probably not; Maybe so; Unlikely. There! I answered all the questions, YAY FOR ME. Now I shall go throw myself a party.**_

_**ChampionHeartache: The smallest things make you laugh.**_

_**Mister Frodo: Oh joy of joys! Oh dream of dreams! (Sorry, just quoting The Producers. The original, not the nasty new one.)You reviewed! I shall now proceed to be happy. Even though you reviewed the 5th chapter and this is the 16 or something. Be warned, Chapters 11-14 are not all that great in my opinion. Of course, if you're reading this, you know that already. Who is that somone who shouts at Qui-Gon... well, I never mentioned who it was so either I never decided or completely forgot. Let's just call him Regis. **_

_Now that I have finished those, I demand you review this chapter! And tell your friends!_

So, while this chapter was supposed to be brilliant, I forgot all my really good ideas that I had like two months ago, 'cause I didn't write them down. Soooo... you know what we're(meaning me) gonna do? Spin out some insanity and disguise it as a story. Ha. Here goes.

_Disclaimer: I do not own purple polka dotted penguins, Scott Farkus, colored contact lenses or men in suits._

**Chapter 16**

**Midgets, Men, and Fish In Bowl**

_Ignoring the cliff-hanger of a knock, the Author proceeds to write more about Yoda's little situation..._

It was a bright, sunny, green, lovely day. Well, it wasn't green. Or lovely. It WAS, however, bright and sunny, being as this chapter is set on a desert planet.

Little Being # 3(aka Pippin) coughed and looked at the sky. "That is a really sucky narrative."

Shut up.

The Little Beings, who, I suppose, the readers can now recognize as Hobbits if they wish, were still surrounding Yoda, but had backed away a couple of feet due to Yoda's shrieking claim of claustrophobia. When aliens like Yoda become claustrophobic, they tend to start seeing things, and once he was shouting about purple polka dotted penguins, the Hobbits backed away, perhaps more out of fear than anything.

"Again, I ask. Here, why are you?"

Taking 30 seconds to decipher the sentence and get it to a point where it was grammatically correct in their minds, finally Frodo answered. "Well, here's the deal. You know our director, Peter Jackson? Well, last week, he really ticked Gollum off. Called him an ugly mongrel Hobbit creature. Which, might I add, is also an insult to us." He added with a disdainful sniff. He continued on dramatically, "But, we have vowed to carry on, in spite of the horrific trials we have suffered."

Merry coughed and nudged Pippin, who held in a giggle.

Clutching his chest, Frodo continued on. "Alas, Gollum has vowed to never return. The pressure, it was too much! He left in a hurry."

"We saw him hitching the 10:20 to Los Angeles." Sam supplied helpfully.

Frodo glared daggers in Sam's direction, angry at the interruption. "So our fearless leader has sent us in search of a stand-in for Gollum, and by George, I do believe we've found him. What do you say, boys?"

Silence.

He glared more. "What I'm saying is, we'd like you to come and work for us. You get to be Gollum. You've got yellow eyes, right?"

"What?" Yoda looked insulted.

And from above, Gollum floated down, a parachute strapped to his frail little frame, shrieking all the way.

"Yellow eyes? YELLOW EYES? Who am I, Scott Farkus? Noo! I don't have yellow eyes! They are blue, darn you, BLUE! Every bit as blue as your BLUE CONTACT LENSES!!!"

"I DON'T WEAR COLORED CONTACT LENSES! MY EYE COLOR IS COMPLETELY NATURAL! NATURAL!!!" Frodo screamed, stomping his foot. Obviously this had been a previous source of conflict.

As Gollum and Frodo continued screaming at each other, Merry, Pippin, and Sam gathered together, whispering. Seeing that all of his visitors were distracted, Yoda took the chance of escape.

Unfortunately...

_Meanwhile, at Shmi's house..._

Qui-Gon whirled around quite suddenly at the sound of the knock. He had become quite paranoid over the last... goodness, how long had he been on this crazy adventure?

He looked at the ceiling, as if he expected an answer to come from above.

"Not on your life, buddy."

The author's voice floated down, but she refused to give an answer. Whether it was because she delighted in torturing him or because she had no clue, the world may never know.

"Oh, dear." A harried looking Shmi came from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel.

Small Random Padawan woke from his nap and yawned, rubbing his eyes with small fists.

Obi-Wan paused, Jell-O filled spoon halfway to his open mouth.

The knocking came again.

"You'd better get that." Qui-Gon supplied as Shmi made her way to the door.

She opened it a crack, and before she could get out a good 'What can I do for you' two men in black suits and sunglasses barged their way into the room.

"That's Will Smith!" Adi Gallia screamed, have emerged from Anakin's room to see what was going on.

Boris The Fish gulped audibly from his Sturdy Glass Bucket. "Oh, no.." he whispered, wishing he had somewhere to hide. But a Sturdy Glass Bucket really doesn't offer any hiding place, so he just sat there in the water, floating in his mini-bagel-turned-floating-device, and cowered.

"Will Smith" had just finished ridding himself of the clinging Adi Gallia, who, unbeknownst to nearly everyone, was pretty much a fangirl of every movie star to exist. It didn't matter who they were, as long as they were famous. That makes nearly no sense, but moving on...

"Boris? Do you know those guys?" Obi-Wan asked, the only one still sitting at the table and therefore the only one to have heard the fish's gulp.

"Ummmm, nooooo, of course not, why do you ask? Well I may've met them once or twice... okay, I did some undercover work for them a long, long time ago... just a smidge, really, and I haven't seen them since..." Boris babbled on nervously as the two men neared the table. He could somehow sense their eyes upon him, hidden though they were by menacing dark glasses.

"Boris. I believe we have some... unfinished business to attend to." "Will Smith" said, his voice deep and menacing.

_Find out what happens to Boris AND to Yoda next time! It may be a while. _

**Midgets, Men, and Fish In Bowl Stars**

**Frodo Baggins as Pippin**

**Yoda as Yoda**

**Pippin as Frodo**

**Merry as Sam**

**Sam as Merry**

**Smeagol as Gollum(you can just work this one out)**

**Qui-Gon Jinn as Qui-Gon Jinn**

**Vanna White as Shmi Skywalker**

**Small Random Padawan as Small Random Padawan**

**Obi-Wan Kenobi as Obi-Wan Kenobi**

**Adi Gallia as Adi Gallia**

**Boris The Fish as Boris The Fish**

**Tyrone II as "Will Smith"**

**A/N: I wrote this like a week and a half ago, but FF was being stupid and wouldn't let me post it for FOREVER. But here it is. Was. Whatever. Since I'm already writing this, REVIEW!!!!!!!**


	17. It Doesn't Make Sense, Does It?

A/N: Yes. It's been a while. Believe it or not, I realize this. And I'm not gonna lie and say I've been busy. Unmotivated, absolutely. Uninspired, you can bet on it! But busy, absolutely not. And I still have no ideas. This chapter is being written entirely out of guilt. And I want you all to know that.

Disclaimer: I think if I owned Star Wars, I would care more about this story, and therefore update it more often. But I do love BORIS, who is my character, and Small Random Padawan. They are both amazingly awesome and should take over the world. Hmmm... Anyway, I don't own Star Wars, Will Smith, Jell-O, Tarzan, or Wicked.

**Author's Reply to Review(ers):**

**Bitten by a cow: Thank you for your continued loyalty to this story. ;) Tyrone II was invented by my mind at some ridiculously ungodly hour, though I now realize it would've been way way way simpler to just use Will Smith himself. **

**And while I admit that I understood absolutely none of the second part of your review, I loved it because it was random and it made me laugh even if I don't know why. So yes.**

**Vincere Aut Mori: Glad you're enjoying it.**

**Chapter 17**

**It Doesn't Make Sense, Does It?**

Will Smith was angry.

Very angry.

Boris was afraid.

Seemingly afraid.

Obi-Wan was distracted.

As always...

"Will you just get on with it?" Qui-Gon yelled, glaring at the ceiling.

Qui-Gon was just a little bit on the impatient side.

"Boris... if that's your real name..." Will Smith(the real one, whose plane had recently landed) got closer to the Sturdy Glass Bucket.

"Why are those words capitalized? And what the heck is a Glass Bucket anyway?" Will Smith asked.

The world may never know.

"Hey, where's Yoda?" Obi-Wan asked randomly, having just realized that Yoda was not there.

Adi Gallia told him to shut up.

"Boris... I think you have something that belongs to us."

"I don't! I swear. I took nothing when I left that wretched organization!"

"I don't believe you."

"Well, you should."

"Well, I don't."

"Well, you should."

"I already said, I don't."

"Why not? Can't we just be friends? CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG??" Boris wailed dramatically.

"We used to be friends, Boris. Not anymore."

"I don't have anything, honest."

"Yeah, and I'm the Pope."

While this exchange went on, Obi-Wan continued to eat Jell-O and mourn the loss of his Key of Happiness, trying to think of a way to get it back. His plan thus far involved seven green shirts and a mule. And possibly a purple mailbox...

Small Random Padawan was sleeping soundly in the corner, dreaming of dancing bananas and a llama named Bruce.

Qui-Gon was killing time by singing songs from Tarzan in his head. Or so he thought...

"You'll be in my heart, no matter what they SAAAAY, you'll be here in my heart, alwaaaays." Qui-Gon "sang".

Shmi glared at him and plugged her ears. Unfortunately, Qui-Gon's terrible singing caused Small Random Padawan to wake up, and since the dream he had been having about dancing bananas and a llama named Bruce had actually been an incredibly happy one, he began wailing.

"I knew it!" Will Smith said. Boris had just admitted to taking something.

"It's not what you think!" Boris said, casting nervous glances at the group of Jedi, none of whom were paying attention anyway. Adi Gallia was trying to get Small Random Padawan to stop crying, and Shmi was trying to get Qui-Gon to stop singing. Unfortunately, her efforts only made Qui-Gon sing louder, and Boris started fearing for the survival of his Sturdy Glass Bucket.

"I took... just... the... playlist..." Boris said, cowering in his mini-bagel floatie.

"You mean... THE playlist?" Will Smith asked.

"Yeah."

"Crap."

"I know."

Motioning to Nameless Man In Black, Will Smith headed for the door.

"Sorry!"

"Not your fault! Catch you later!"

As soon as he was gone, Boris began to chuckle.

"THE playlist, what a joke! That's just the Top Secret Man's files encoded in song. He'll never find out what I really have..."

In truth, Boris had stolen copies of all the files of the members and those affiliated(even without their knowledge) with The X300 Secret Society, TX3SS for short. It had started with Qui-Gon's file, since he needed to track him down, and escalated from there.

"Shut up, you!" Boris yelled at the ceiling.

No can do, my little fishy friend.

"You stole my file!" Qui-Gon shrieked, finally stopping his horrible rendition of 'You'll Be In My Heart.' Leave it to Phil Collins, Qui-Gon. Please.

He pointed an accusing finger at Boris, even though he had no idea what file they were referring to.

He and Boris began shouting insults at each other, none of which made sense.

"You're just a butterfly-eyed tree sniffer!"

"Well YOU'RE a cowardly mailbox pusher!"

And so on.

_Meanwhile..._

"I JUST REALIZED WHO HE REMINDS ME OF!" Pippin shouted triumphically, pointing at Yoda.

"Who?" Merry asked. Yoda didn't remind him of anyone.

"Elphaba!"

"Who?!"

"Elphaba! You know, the green girl in Wicked!" Pippin gasped. "Don't TELL me you've never seen it?"

"Umm, no..."

Ignoring the fact that Broadway musicals are not readily available in Middle-earth, the Author continues...

"It's a musical! It rocks! It's amazing! You should borrow my copy of the soundtrack. Idina is amazing!" Pippin clapped his hands and danced around.

"So how does Yoda relate to this green girl?"

"Um, hello? He's GREEN? Enough said." Pippin acted as if this was the simplest thing in the world.

Merry shook his head, hoping his friend hadn't lost is completely.

Yoda, too, shook his head and started hobbling away.

Then, (since a cliffhanger is sorely needed to end this chapter, or so the Author thinks...) something appeared in the distance...

_What has appeared in the distance? What is the point of this story? Does such a thing exist? Find out in the next installment of this story!_


	18. And Suddenly

A/N: WHAT??? Over a year? I honestly don't know how time got away from me... I definitely never meant for it to be a year for me to update. I probably didn't even mean for it to be a MONTH. So. I'm sorry.

I am going to try to and wrap this story up very quickly. Mostly because I'm tired of it, it's not so fun anymore, and I have absolutely no idea where I was (supposedly) taking this.

**Replies to Reviews:**

**Zelscar: **Well thank you! Glad you're still enjoying it.

**Cowgirl4Christ: **Boris is my favorite too. I might write a story entirely about Boris. :) Thanks for reviewing.

**Chapter 18**

**And Suddenly...**

_Completely ignoring the fact that something appeared in the distance as Yoda was hobbling away, the Author returns to Shmi's house..._

"GIVE ME BACK MY PICKLE!" Anakin ran after C-3PO, who was not even actually holding a pickle. C-3PO tripped on Small Random Padawan, who was still napping on the floor. His head hit the table and promptly fell off, rolling to a stop near Obi-Wan's foot.

"Ahhhhhhhh! It's a HEAD! A HEAD!! HEAD! HEAD! HEAD! HEAD! HEAD! HEAD! HEAD!"

He began running in a circle around the perimeter of the room, screaming. Anakin bolted from the room because Obi-Wan was scaring him, and Obi-Wan eventually ran into the wall.

Qui-Gon and Boris were still fighting, and things were not looking good for Qui-Gon....

_Meanwhile, in the distance...._

"Oh my goodness! I think that ELPHABA is here! I wonder if I can get an autograph!! Or get her to put a spell on me or something!" Pippin screamed, pointing in the distance to the silhouette of a woman with a large pointy hat on her head. Pippin grabbed the hands of Frodo, Sam, and Merry (Yes, all at once) and ran towards the figure.

In reality, it was not Elphaba, but, in fact, the faux Wicked Witch of the West from Chapter 6. When the Hobbits would reach here, Pippin would faint dead away from disappointment, and Merry would ask her if she was a real witch while Sam hunted for food because. Frodo would stand to the side, moody because no one was paying attention to him.

Meanwhile, Yoda was hobbling slowly away, trying to figure out how to meet back up with his companions.

_Back at the farm that's not really a farm..._

Qui-Gon and Boris had finally stopped fighting. (Qui-Gon lost)

"DID NOT!" The aforementioned Qui-Gon shouted at the ceiling. He stuck his finger in his mouth and mumbled. "Ish nuf furr e shoed ish phhins." Which, translated, means "It's not far he used his fins" because Boris defeated Qui-Gon in the brawl by cutting him with his tail fin. It was not a very large cut; basically the equivalent of a paper cut, but Qui-Gon freaked out.

"I BLEED EASILY! I HAVE VERY THIN BLOOD AND IF I LET IT BLEED I COULD DIE OKAY?" Qui-Gon screamed at the ceiling. Apparently his blood pressure was rising from being agitated. Why Qui-Gon would be agitated, I simply cannot figure out.

"SHUT UP! I HATE YOU!"

You know, Qui-Gon, when your blood gets pumping, you'll lose it faster.

"CRAP! Okay, calm down Qui-Gon, breathe. In, out. In, out. Meditate. Meditate on calm. I am calm. I am calm. I am-WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT SOUND????"

Obi-Wan looked up from the floor (he had recently regained consciousness) and pointed to Anakin. "He did it."

Anakin, who was not in fact in the place where Obi-Wan had been pointing at, came into the room, looking frightened. "What did I do? I didn't do anything! I swear. Honest. Well, okay, C-3PO maybe stole that stuff but it wasn't my fault! He just assumed that I meant to take it when really all I said was that I could USE it IF I had it!"

He proceeded to wail about various deeds he had done or made C-3PO do and ended up a hysterical crying mess, curled up in the fetal position on the ground and sobbing. Clearly, Anakin was always emotionally unstable.

"Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan shouted, even though he was about three feet from his master.

"WHAT! Oh, sorry. I am calm. I am calm. I am calm. Ahem. What?"

"Are we going to find the Key? Please? I think it's the answer to all of our issues with our long hyphenated names."

"Oh, really, you think that do you?" Qui-Gon scoffed. "And what makes you think that the Key of Happiness is the answer to all of our problems? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

Obi-Wan, clearly unaffected by Qui-Gon's words, said solemnly, "SHE told me. So I know that it's true."

"She who?" Qui-Gon asked, suspicious.

ME who.

"Crap. I hate you. I told you so. You made me bleed and you let a FISH beat me in a fight. You suck."

Well, I like Boris more than I like you.

"HA!" Boris said from his Sturdy Glass Bucket.

"Fine." Qui-Gon heaved a long, melodramatic sigh. "Then where do we find this stupid key?"

"It's Key." Obi-Wan supplied.

"OKAY! Where do we find the **K**ey?" Qui-Gon asked, tired of all of the random capital letters.

I'll give you a hint. Umm.. It's... um... hidden in the Jedi Temple, I guess.

"TO THE JEDI TEMPLE WE GO!" Shouted Mace, who hadn't spoken since Chapter 15.

Ki-Adi-Mundi blinked and suddenly he and Yoda were alone in a room in the Jedi Temple.

"Yoda? Where have you been? Wait, how did we get here? And why is my robe ribbed and.... PINK?"

A/N: Ugh. At this point I kinda just want to finish the story, thus the abrupt shift. Because I don't want this story to have more than 20 chapters. So. Here it is. It's dumb.


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